Well, I dont know how I feel right now. I mean, I do love him. I called him 'Hopper'. Well I have tried to hate him. I have tried to forget him. I have tried to get rid him out of my life. But I failed. I dont know why. Its not that I dont love him, I do love him. VERY VERY VERY MUCH. I just dont want to feel hurt anymore.
Why I dont want to feel hurt anymore? Its bcs of the way he treats people especially the girls. "aww cmon he's a boy. of course he treats people like that". Yeah Yeah I know. But you know what, I feel like an idiot for liking and loving him. Its bcs he's tall, handsome kind of boy. While when it comes to me, I'm nothing. I'm a short girl, fat *maybe*, not so pretty and I do feel insecure when I bump into Hopper. I'm totally nothing compared to other girls who are far more prettier than me. The other girls are so damn pretty, gorgeous, hot and cute. It's like I'm not good enough for Hopper. I'm really ashamed of myself when I bump into him. I always feel that he sees a monster when he sees me. Seriously. Sometimes I feel like "why I can be like other girls who have perfect life??"
I still remember all those words that he said to me. I remember every single words. I just afraid that he will forget what he said to me. Bcs all the rumours I heard about him made me feel like Aaarrgghhhh!!! "Hey nisya, Hopper is with someone else!" "Nisya, he posted a picture of his crush on his group chat" "Nisya, Hopper this Hopper that" AARGHHH! PLEASE STOP! I need to see my future right now, but I know I won't bcs its Allah's secret. I just dont want to feel this anymore. ever.
Yours sincerely,
Khairunnisya
